and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
