dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who died my cat blue again?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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