i think i have two assholes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
