Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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