Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
