You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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