HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
