I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
