Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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