This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ttyl tear gas
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
