My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
