"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
