Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
