Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
