I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
