i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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