so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
