You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i dont even know how to be here
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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