i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
