Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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