based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just cropdusted the office
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
