I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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