Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
