Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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