I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
