Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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