where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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