You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
