so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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