he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
