i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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