Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
