I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
