I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
