my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
