Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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