Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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