her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
