I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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