I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize