did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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