He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
