My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
