I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
