i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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