I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
