You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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