There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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