The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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