Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
