Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
