Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize