Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
