god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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