I didn't shave. On purpose
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You need a sexual gate keeper
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
