I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
