Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
