Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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