dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
