I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
