Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
