What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize