I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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