the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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