This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
