we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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