my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Come share oat with me in your robe
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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