FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
