i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
