Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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