Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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