that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
