Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
