At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
