I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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